University life is a whirlwind of self-discovery, academic pressure, and the exhilarating, often daunting, world of relationships. For many students, navigating romantic connections during this transformative period can feel like a maze of vulnerability and heartbreak. Dr. Jeni Wallach, founder of Powerful Love, brings a refreshing perspective to this challenge. With a PhD in couple and family therapy, she transformed her own struggling relationship into a thriving partnership, revealing that even experts face relational hurdles. Her journey, alongside partner Cal, now fuels her mission to empower others to build intentional, fulfilling relationships.
In this exploration, we’ll dive into Jeni’s insights on cultivating powerful love, from embracing vulnerability with courage to mastering the art of intentionality. We’ll uncover practical steps for university students to navigate relationships, heal from heartbreak, and grow into their authentic selves. Whether you’re single, dating, or heartbroken, Jeni’s wisdom offers a roadmap to stronger connections, grounded in self-awareness and resilience. Let’s embark on this journey to transform how you approach love and relationships during your university years.
From Imposter to Innovator: Jeni’s Relational Awakening
Dr. Jeni Wallach’s journey into relationship coaching began with a paradox: despite her master’s and PhD in couple and family therapy, she struggled to make her own relationship work. Partnered with Cal, whom she believed to be her soulmate, Jeni faced a crisis when her academic knowledge failed to translate into practice. “All the theories weren’t enough,” she recalls, admitting to feeling like an imposter despite her success with clients. This frustration drove her to a breakthrough, achieved through stubborn determination and a pivotal ‘aha’ moment that turned their relationship around without Cal’s initial participation.
The turning point came when Cal reflected, “We just started to own our shit,” a candid insight that became the cornerstone of their business, Powerful Love. Together, they now guide couples and individuals to navigate relationships with intention and authenticity. For students, Jeni’s story is a powerful reminder that expertise doesn’t guarantee ease in love. Her vulnerability highlights the universal challenge of relationships and the transformative potential of persistence. By owning your role in relational dynamics, you can unlock profound growth, even in the face of doubt.
The Dance of Vulnerability: Embracing Courage in Love
Relationships, especially during university, are a crucible for vulnerability, stirring up childhood patterns and unspoken fears. Jeni explains that “relationships bring up our vulnerabilities,” often leading to reactive patterns like shutting down or lashing out. These responses, rooted in our nervous system’s drive to protect us, can sabotage connections, as seen in her own early struggles with Cal. Heartbreak, ghosting, or the fear of rejection can make students guarded, yet Jeni sees vulnerability as the gateway to meaningful love, requiring courage to confront.
Courage, she argues, is the antidote to fear, enabling us to lean into discomfort and trust despite the risk of hurt. “You have to know you’ll be okay if you fall,” Jeni advises, encouraging students to vet partners carefully while staying open. For young adults navigating first loves or breakups, this means testing the waters with intention—listening to your inner voice about what feels safe and aligned. Students can start by acknowledging small moments of discomfort, like expressing a need, to build resilience. Jeni’s call to courage is a beacon for transforming vulnerability into strength, fostering connections that endure.
Intentionality Unlocked: The First Step to Powerful Relationships
The myth that love should “just work” with the right person leads many students into unintentional relationships, marked by conflict and heartbreak. Jeni debunks this, asserting that “being intentional is the first step.” Awareness that relationships require deliberate effort allows you to slow down and ask critical questions: What’s happening here? What do I need? What can I do to make this work? These questions shift you from reactive patterns—like yelling or withdrawing—to proactive choices, such as setting boundaries or communicating needs directly.
Jeni’s three pillars—liberate, learn, and lead with love—offer a framework for intentionality. Liberation involves freeing yourself from automatic, self-protective reactions, often learned from past traumas or cultural narratives. Learning equips you with tools through books, courses, or mentors, while leading with love means taking responsibility for your role in the relationship’s direction. For students, starting with small acts—like pausing before reacting to a partner’s behaviour—builds intentional habits. By rejecting the myth of effortless love, you can craft relationships that align with your authentic self, setting a foundation for lasting connection.
Healing the Heart: Overcoming Guardedness and Disconnection
Heartbreak and ghosting, prevalent in university dating culture, often leave students guarded, hesitant to trust again. Jeni frames this as a natural nervous system response, where the brain equates emotional hurt with physical danger. “Our brain doesn’t know the difference between a broken heart and a lion,” she says, explaining why relational anxiety feels so intense. Overcoming guardedness requires courage to lean into vulnerability, trusting that you’ll survive potential hurt. This risk, though daunting, is the path to the relationships most only dream of.
For those so disconnected they can’t identify their needs—a common trauma response—Jeni advocates self-growth work. Therapy, mentorship, or self-guided resources like books can help reconnect with your emotions. “It’s your responsibility to begin that healing journey,” she emphasizes, noting that unhealed trauma often manifests as restlessness or physical pain. For students, this means seeking support early, whether through campus counselling or online courses, to uncover buried needs. By embracing this work, you can transform disconnection into self-awareness, empowering you to ask for what you deserve in love.
Three Pillars for University Love: Jeni’s Advice for Students
Jeni’s three pieces of advice for university students are a roadmap for relational success. First, prioritise learning about relationships, even if you’re single. “You’re in a relationship with yourself,” she says, highlighting how self-understanding enhances all connections—romantic, professional, or entrepreneurial. Interpersonal skills, critical across life, are rarely taught, so seek out resources to refine them. Second, get support without shame. “Nobody figures it out alone,” Jeni insists, debunking the myth of individualism. Mentors or therapists can accelerate your growth, just as historical figures like Darwin relied on collaborators.
Third, embrace change as a natural part of your journey. University is a time of evolving identity, and you don’t need to have it all figured out. “Allow yourself to be a learner,” Jeni advises, encouraging students to trust the unfolding path. For young adults feeling pressure to define their future, this permission to evolve is liberating. By prioritising relational learning, seeking support, and embracing change, students can navigate university relationships with confidence, building a foundation for lifelong growth and connection.
Living Love as a Verb: Jeni’s Guiding Mantras
Jeni’s life is guided by two powerful mantras, etched on her arms as constant reminders. The first, “What’s my shit here?” is a call to own your responsibility in any situation. “It brings me back to my power,” she explains, using it to assess her contributions to conflicts and take proactive steps toward her goals. For students, this question fosters accountability, shifting focus from blaming partners to actionable change. Asking “What can I do?” in moments of tension can transform relational dynamics, empowering you to shape your love story.
The second mantra, “Love is a verb,” redefines love as an active choice, not just a feeling. “It’s extending oneself for another’s highest good,” Jeni says, even when it’s painful or inconvenient. This perspective challenges students to act with intention, choosing love through boundaries or honest communication, rather than chasing fleeting emotions. By living these mantras, you can cultivate relationships grounded in authenticity and purpose.
Dr. Jeni Wallach’s insights offer university students a transformative approach to relationships, blending courage, intentionality, and self-growth. From navigating heartbreak to embracing vulnerability, her guidance empowers you to build connections that reflect your authentic self. By prioritising relational learning, seeking support, and acting with love, you can turn the maze of university romance into a path of profound growth.
